Pride in Ageing Stories
Published: 6 October 2025 by Violet Spillers
What A Woman Looks Like
This is part blog, part history as a reflection on my life as a 77-year-old trans woman – with some of the pain and some of the glory.
It is a real privilege to reach my age and to be able to live, finally, as the person I always wanted to be, and to reflect on the honour of taking part in the ‘This Is What A Woman Looks Like’ campaign.
Part 1 – My Life So Far
I was born in Manchester in 1948 and by age 9 I discovered that I was different. I did not understand why, and who could I ask? How could I find out why I was not a girl?
Back then I all I wanted was to be a girl; at 77 little has changed except that now I live as a woman every day. Legally and physically, I am still classed as a man, but that’s a different story.
Has this been easy? No. Ask any trans woman. It’s never easy. And it was never a choice I made – it is who we are.
I had a long and successful business life working for in senior management roles and running my own consulting business until 70 – as a man. I lived and worked in Belgium, Holland, and Germany for over 30 years and travelled across Europe, the USA, and India over the course of 50 years.
While living in Holland, I came out as trans in 1996 and went through over 2 years of therapy to discover why. I never ever found that out, but I did discover myself and developed my self-love and self-esteem.
For years, I juggled my life as a divorced parent living as a woman but working as a man. I became a single parent to my 12-year-old son and made the extremely tough decision to put Pauline back in the closet to be the best parent I could be for him.
Holland showed me the importance of giving back to the trans community in my life. When I came back to Manchester in 2008, I started to give back. I was the chief moderator on a Trans website from 2010 to 2016 and a founding member of Trans MCR in 2015/16.
Later, I became a founding member of Pride in Ageing, a Trustee at the LGBT Foundation, a founder of ‘Talking About My Generation’, and involved with local groups for older people and LGBTQI+ people.
Along the way I re-discovered my gift for writing poetry and began to write articles on helping older people and exposing flaws in our society. After turning 75 I learnt totally new skills – how to sew a quilt for my new grandson, create paintings, and realised how important it is to love life and to give back.
Giving back is key, as is listening and caring and being real and true to yourself.
Part 2 – ‘This Is What A Woman Looks Like’ campaign
All of us in the LGBTQI+ community suffer abuse, and over the past 6 years successive Ministers for Equality and Prime Ministers have increased their discrimination against the trans community, withdrawing hard won rights which culminated in the Supreme Court ruling this year that gender is binary.
As a mature trans woman still struggling with my own identity, my life could have become very negative. I decided within 24 hours of the ruling to continue to live as Pauline, and to continue my life as usual. I am still active in LGBTQI+ groups and heterosexual groups and have never suffered any discrimination from my co-volunteers or my closest friends and family.
In May 2025, I was invited to take part in this campaign and be one of the 30 women who took part in the photoshoot at LGBT Foundation. Beforehand, I was so excited and touched that I have found allies at LGBT Foundation and amongst so many other women. It was an opportunity to be visible and show who I am and what we are, and why we deserve respect.
On the day, there was so much joy and support as we were photographed, despite all of us having aching jaws from all the smiling. Our groups included women from around 20 to almost 80, women of all shapes, heights and sizes, different ethnicities, skin colours and a variety of gay, non-binary, and trans women.
All of us are strong, determined and beautiful women, showing the world why it’s important to fight for our rights to be who we want to be.
For me, it was a true joy, emotionally moving, and such a privilege to be part of that photo shoot and the campaign that came out of that special day – ‘This is What a Woman Looks Like’.
Part 3 – Further Reading
