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Published: December 16, 2024 by Sam Turner
Our helpline supports LGBTQ+ people through their toughest moments. Over its 50 years of service, we’ve not only been a warm, accepting voice for LGBTQ+ people but also their their friends and their families who need help and advice in times of crisis.
This was the case for Linda who contacted us about her son, Joe, after learning that he was being bullied because of his sexuality. Linda kindly shared her story with us in the hope that it can reach other parents and LGBTQ+ young people in similar situations this winter.
“Joe came down to tea one night… and he was wearing a T-shirt. I saw all these scratches and cuts on his arm, and I sort of looked at his arm and said, Joe, what are what are all these scratches? And he just kind of blew up at that stage, you know?
Everything started spilling out: he said that he had been self-harming; he had been bullied at school. He was about 14. And then he told us that he thought he was bisexual.”
Joe was anxious about coming out, but his parents just wanted to support him – and were most worried about the impact being bullied was having on his wellbeing. Finding out that Joe was going through such a difficult time alone was overwhelming for Linda as a mother.
“He’d been going through this for a while. He’d been being bullied at school. He’d been been bullied online when he came home. I’ve described it as sort of being somewhere where a pot of paint explodes, and you don’t know which bit you’re supposed to try and dab at first. We were kind of trying to get to the bottom of everything all in one go, and it was a very confused evening, but we reassured him that we’d get it sorted and that his sexuality had no bearing on our love for him or our support for him.”
Despite Joe’s anxieties about telling his parents, opening up created a dialogue and a platform for the family to seek out support. But with so few LGBTQ+-specific services in their area, Linda didn’t know where to turn.
“There was nothing around here. You know, we live in a small village on the outskirts of a small town in Northamptonshire. There was nothing that Joe was aware of.”
Luckily, Joe had seen an LGBT Foundation campaign on TV and resolved to contact us.
“He decided that he needed to talk to somebody there, even before he’d spoken to us, which was absolutely fine with us. In fact, we were delighted that he’d been so proactive.”
Linda also contacted LGBT Foundation’s Helpline, determined to find out what support was out there and how her family could help Joe to live a fulfilling life as an LGBTQ+ person.
“It was a case of literally open arms. ‘We want to help. We want to support you’ – and well, that was what they did with Joe. And then they did it with us.
Joe went further than just accessing support – he made it his mission to do a series of assemblies educating his school about anti-LGBTQ+ hate and the impact it has.
“He got a lot of moral support (from LGBT Foundation), obviously. But he also got some resources because what he decided he wanted to do was he wanted to re-educate his school. He decided that it was up to him to try and sort this out.”
LGBT Foundation recognised Joe’s amazing contribution to our mission to promote LGBTQ+ equality across the UK, inviting him and Linda up to Manchester to join our Annual General Meeting, and to walk with us during the Manchester Pride Parade.
“It was very moving, actually. And I had some lovely people coming over to talk to me afterwards.
One particular man came over and shook my hands, he looked at me and had big tears in his eyes. And he said, you know, ‘Thank you so much for not rejecting him’. And I said, ‘Are you kidding? Have you seen this boy? You know, why would I not want him in my life?’ And he said, ‘But I get this everyday – young gay men, young women whose parents have chucked them out and told them that they’re worthless’.
But, you know, that’s not the way we do things.”
Linda and her family wanted nothing but the best for their son, no matter his sexuality – and call for all parents to offer the same love and support to their LGBTQ+ children.
“This is still your child. This is still exactly the same person as they were 10 minutes before you realised that they were gay. And you know, nothing has changed. They’ve been that person sitting since the moment they arrived in the delivery room and you took them home in their car seat. They’ve always been that person. They’re the person that you love.
There is nothing to be afraid of.”
LGBT Foundation’s support has had a huge impact on Linda, Joe, and their family.
“We know it’s made a huge difference to Joe. It’s helped him become the man that he is now – very happy, very well adjusted, very successful. A man who has found the love of his life. I just think that the support and the validation that he got from you guys and he was supported at home has made all the difference to him and he’s a remarkable person anyway. But I just think that probably helped him so much along the way, and I’m very grateful for it.”
Every year, we support over 5,000 people like Linda and Joe through our Helpline. By making a donation today you can help us be there for them this Christmas Day.
