Kate's Coming Out Story

Publish Date: 10/10/2011

"I actually started telling people when I was around 15, I remember inviting my friends out one by one for a drink to tell them, and I built it up to be a big revelation in my head. In actual fact, they either knew of weren’t bothered anyway.

It’s not like they didn’t acknowledge it, but they just weren’t that surprised! I originally told them I was bi-sexual, which I think a lot of people do at first as a safety net just incase you decided to be straight.

Somewhere along the way I told my siblings, but to be honest the only people who I cared about them knowing was my parents. I promised myself I would tell them when I was in a long term relationship, almost like as soon as I had proof, I would be confirmed as a gay person. Looking back this was silly.

It actually took about 10 years to tell them, despite me having relationships, I absolutely could not raise the subject with them. Not because I was scared of them being homophobic, but because I just was not used to speaking to them in that way. Our family would do anything for each other but we don’t really have big heart to hearts.

I eventually told them, not out of my own willingness, but because I found out that my dad was asking my brother about it. I knew he knew so I just had to tell them both to avoid being uncomfortable.

I regret it happening like that actually as I think it’s a bit of a wimps way. It was over quite quick and the conversation just went on to something else. They said they had kind of known and that they just wanted me to be happy. I left asking myself why I didn’t tell them all those years ago, but also felt quite liberated.

You do have to come out every day, and sometimes it’s tricky in the workplace, I had a job once where I actually lied about it. My work colleagues thought I was a single straight girl, where in fact I was gay and in a serious relationship at the time.

I was there for a year and when I left, I promised myself I would never lie about it again. I think that experience helped me realise how important my sexuality is in every day situations. It’s ridiculous to think I lied about what I did at the weekend because I was scared someone would know I was gay."

On Tuesday October 11th – International Coming Out Day - The LGF are offering 24 hour online and phoneline support, to help raise awareness of issues around coming out . You can also pop-in to see us for face-to face support between 8am and 10pm at The LGF’s Community Resource Centre. For more info visit: http://lgbt.foundation/news-articles/lgf-celebrate-international-coming-out-day/

  • Andrea

    Kate, I remember when you came out to me; we were in the pub after uni and I had just (nervously) come out to our friends only to have my thunder stolen by your own subsequent revelation not 2 minutes later! That was ten years ago, can you believe?!