Coming out as bisexual

If you think you may be bisexual, or you’re questioning, it can be difficult accepting who you are. You may at times feel pressured into choosing a male or female partner.

Coming out as bisexual can be just as hard as coming out as gay or lesbian, maybe harder.

Ignorance to bisexuality can come in many forms; from parents, friends or people at work or even on the LGBT (gay) scene. Feeling unsure can be unsettling and the need to define who you are can be just as confusing. This isn’t always helped by the fact that many bisexual people, myself included, are referred to as confused, untrustworthy or greedy.

There are many myths surrounding bisexual people that get thrown around, often as a joke, but at the expense of bisexual men and women and these can be deeply impactful leading to various mental health and isolation issues.

Personally as a bisexual person I can not over emphasis the need not to feel pressured by the straight or gay community. Sometimes living with the uncertainty or simply acknowledging that your preferences may change over time can be enough.

You may explore a same sex relationship that may end up lasting indefinitely, or you may simply be aware of same sex attraction whilst being in an opposite sex relationship.

There is no set rule when it comes to attraction of other people, be that personality, physical appearance or something entirely different. It is what you are comfortable with and how you may identify or not identify in some cases.

Identifying as bisexual may be an ongoing process and throughout your life you may never really be finished coming out to different people. Bisexuality is simply a word when all is said and done. Sometimes the word may not fit with how you feel about yourself at first.  You may even find attraction to the same gender more appealing but still encounter people of the opposite sex who you find attractive from time to time.

Bisexuality is never simply a phase for many people, young or older. The pressures to conform to be gay or straight may feel like an easy way to accept it at first, but it may not settle with how you feel inside.

Human sexuality is complicated. What is attractive to one gender may not be for another.

Every person is different and you may feel alone at times. It may seem like a struggle to justify your identity to people, but as with any person; gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual or undecided, it is not for other people to decide your sexual identity or for you to feel as if you must justify it.

You cannot choose or control your sexuality, but you can control and choose who you tell, when you tell them and what you decide to say. You define your sexuality, not anybody else, and you control your coming out journey regardless of what that sexuality is. 

It’s difficult at times, but remember that your life should be lived on your terms and as long as you are true to what you feel, nobody has the right to tell you any different.

It’s OK to be Bi!

Thanks to Pete Davies for this article, you can read more from Pete in past issues of Outnorthwest.

If you have any questions about sexuality or coming out you can call our helpine on 0345 3 30 30 30 or you can email

Check out the fantastic support group BiPhoria at and find a wealth of information on bisexuality at

Also, find out what is going on for Bi Visibility Day by visiting